For Leaders Who Feel Like They’re Winging It: Understanding the Inner Voices That Hold Us Back

Reflections on confidence, coaching and leadership

Leadership rarely feels as confident on the inside as it looks from the outside. Even experienced, capable leaders can find themselves accompanied by a quiet internal commentary—one that questions, pushes, criticises or urges caution just as responsibility grows.

For leaders in the voluntary sector, that inner dialogue can feel particularly loud. The work matters. The consequences feel real. Resources are stretched and expectations—both internal and external—run high. If you’ve ever felt like you’re winging it while everyone else seems to know exactly what they’re doing, this is for you.

In coaching, we often talk about inner voices. The imposter. The perfectionist. The inner critic. The relentless driver. Different voices appear in different moments, but they usually share a common aim: to keep us safe, accepted or successful—often based on beliefs formed much earlier in our lives.

The Voices We Lead With

I know the imposter voice well. I call mine Beryl.

She tends to appear just as I’m stepping into something new: a stretch role, a visible piece of work, or a moment where I’m asked to own my experience rather than quietly get on with it. Naming her has been unexpectedly powerful. It’s helped me recognise when fear is talking, rather than fact.

But Beryl is rarely alone.

Alongside her might be the Perfectionist, insisting the work needs just a little more refining before it’s shared. The Inner Critic, quick to replay what could have been done better. Or the Driver, pushing for more effort, more hours, more proving.

In coaching, we don’t see these voices as weaknesses. We see them as strategies—often developed early—to cope, succeed or belong.

Many are rooted in beliefs such as:

• I need to be perfect to be valued

• I have to work harder than others to belong

• If I slow down, I’ll be exposed

• My worth comes from what I achieve

  
  

Strategies that once helped us succeed can, over time, begin to limit how we lead.

Why These Voices Get Louder

These inner voices often become more pronounced as responsibility increases. Leadership brings visibility, ambiguity and risk—conditions that activate our old protective patterns.

In the voluntary sector, this can be amplified. Leaders carry a deep sense of purpose and accountability. There’s often little room for error and a strong pull to give more of ourselves. In that context, the perfectionist tightens its grip, the imposter questions our right to be here, and the driver insists we keep going.

From a coaching perspective, the issue isn’t that these voices exist. It’s that they’re often operating on outdated assumptions—responding to today’s challenges with yesterday’s rules.

Creating Space Through Naming

When we name an inner voice, something important happens. We create distance.

Instead of this is who I am, it becomes this is something I’m noticing. That shift opens up choice.

When Beryl tells me I’m not ready, I can ask what evidence she’s using.When the perfectionist insists it’s not good enough, I can question whose standard I’m trying to meet.

The aim isn’t to silence these voices, but to stop handing them the steering wheel.

How Coaching Supports Inner Leadership

Coaching offers a space to slow down and listen differently. Rather than trying to fix or eliminate self-doubt, coaching invites curiosity: What’s showing up? What’s driving it? What do you actually need in this moment?

Over time, this helps leaders develop a more grounded internal dialogue—one that acknowledges uncertainty without being ruled by it. Confidence grows not from certainty, but from self-trust.

For leaders in the voluntary sector, coaching can be particularly powerful. It honours the emotional complexity of the work and creates space to think, reflect and choose—rather than simply react.

Learning from the Happy High Achiever & The Gifts of Imperfection

Mary Anderson’s work with happy high achievers aligns closely with this approach, it speaks directly to leaders who are capable, committed—and quietly worn down by the pressure they place on themselves. Her insights sit closely alongside Brené Brown’s work in The Gifts of Imperfection, where she reminds us that worthiness is not something we earn through flawless performance, but something we practise through self-acceptance.

Both point to a similar truth: many of the inner voices that drive high achievement are rooted in a belief that we need to prove our value. Loosening their grip doesn’t mean caring less about the work. It means leading in a way that’s more human and more sustainable.

Practices that often help include:

• Noticing progress, not just problems- regular moments of celebration

• Allowing “good enough” to be enough, even when perfection feels safer

• Choosing self-compassion over self-criticism

• Staying connected with peers who understand the reality of the work

• Seeing growth as learning, rather than evidence of inadequacy

  
  

As Brené Brown suggests, embracing imperfection is not about lowering standards or ambition. It’s about releasing who we think we’re supposed to be, and allowing ourselves to lead from a place of authenticity, courage and resilience—rather than constant self-surveillance.

Leading Well, Even When You Feel Like You’re Winging It

One leader I worked with—let’s call her Sarah—noticed her imposter voice became louder after a promotion. Alongside it sat a strong perfectionist, constantly pushing her to prove herself. Through coaching, Sarah began to recognise when these voices were driving her behaviour and how they were getting in the way and knocking her confidence.

Instead of trying to get rid of them, she learned to respond differently—grounding herself in evidence, setting clearer boundaries, and redefining what “doing a good job” really meant. The voices didn’t disappear, but they softened. And leadership felt lighter as a result.

A Final Reflection

If you feel like you’re winging it, it may be worth asking: which inner voice is holding me back right now? The imposter? The perfectionist? The critic? The driver?

These voices aren’t signs that you’re failing. Often, they’re signs that you care deeply—and that caring became linked, somewhere along the way, to proving.

Leadership doesn’t require the absence of doubt. It calls for awareness, reflection and choice. When you can recognise what’s speaking, and what belief sits underneath it, you create space to lead with intention rather than habit.

Coaching offers that space. Not to remove imposter syndrome or perfectionism, but to soften their hold and strengthen a steadier, more compassionate inner leadership.

If you’re curious about exploring your own inner landscape—and how it’s shaping the way you lead—I’d welcome a conversation. Coaching can offer a quiet, supportive space to reflect, make sense of what’s showing up, and lead with greater confidence and ease.